Salesman of the year

......and this is why I decided to rant on and on here. It saves me smacking someone in the mouth purely for the delight of seeing them lying in a pool of their own teeth.

So we ordered some new vertical blinds, great. They arrive on time and to the right place, even better but here's where the fun starts......the website says that the blinds come with all the fixtures for top and face mount options.

Except they don't, they only come with top mount. No problem I ring them and they obligingly send out some face mounts which arrive this very AM. Only 4 of them mind......no one checks the order or they'd see that with 3 metres of blind I'm going to need at least 7 or 8 of them.

Now, rather than ring up again I rather stupidly head out the door to buy them locally. 3 DIY stores later and no joy, so as a last resort I spot a Paul Simon store, you know the guys who specialise in curtains and blinds among other things. I trot up to the curtain floor and with a flourish produce my sample......

'Can I buy a half dozen of these, please?' I begin cheerily.

'What are those?', now this isn't good and I check to make sure I am in the curtain and blind section and then tell him they are face mounts......

'What are they for?'

THEY ARE FOR FIXING A FUCKING BLIND TO THE WALL YOU DIM WITTED COCK SUCKER......is what I would have liked to say, after all it's not unreasonable to assume that he is familiar with the product he supposedly sells, however I do explain in a more sympathetic tone.

I am told that they don't sell them separately anymore......'What do I do if I break one?' I enquire.

'Buy a new blind' the smug cunt replies and thus I exit, but not before dobbing him in to the manager all the while fighting the urge to rain great harm on the twat.

Now I know I'm a bit sweary here but I spent nearly 25 years in customer driven jobs and I was bloody good at it, which is why this sort of attitude pisses me off so much, can't help won't help, don't have an answer and can't be arsed to go look for one. Just buy a replacement for £50 for the sake of a 40 pence bracket.

It won't surprise you to know that I won't be returning to Paul Simon anytime soon......